The first two years of my relationship with Zach Hinson was long distance. We initially came in contact on Twitter and began texting back and forth. I was in the middle of a giant party phase following my high school graduation, none of my crappy boyfriends so far looked like they would lead to marrying my high school sweetheart, so everything was light and fun between him and I in our text messages. I didn't want a summer fling, and if I couldn't find a man who took care of me like I deserved to be taken care of, I didn't want a boyfriend at all. We were both planning on going to a weekend long country music festival called Watershed in Eastern WA at a place called The Gorge Amphitheater (most beautiful venue I've been to so far in my life too by the way, totally blew me away) so we decided we should meet up and hang out in person.
So August rolled around and I ended up hitching a ride to Watershed with a few friends, and when Zach finally arrived at the campground, I ditched them to go find him. When I saw that boy walking toward me among all the drunk festival-goers, I knew he wasn't going to be a temporary person in my life. I've never felt like that before, nor have I again, so this is special. We had a blast of a weekend and when it came time to part ways and go back to our sides of the state, we agreed not to be anything more than friends which was a reality both of us had to come to terms with, since we lived on opposite sides of Washington from each other.
The texting continued all the way until October when, believe it or not we were planning on going to ANOTHER music festival in Seattle at the same time. Of course, it's always a good time when we are together, so when this trip wound down to an end we decided to send it off with a ride on the Seattle ferris wheel that sits right by the water next to the ferry boat that we would soon become every familiar with. Not only did that boy kiss me like he meant it on top of that ferris wheel, he also gave me what I didn't know I even wanted, he told me he was in love with me. We left each other that day in silent agreement that we couldn't go the rest of our lives without each other, even if it meant getting to know each other through text message, phone calls and occasional facetime conversations.
Eventually our long distance ended, and we are together and so solid today BECAUSE of that distance. And that leads me to my first point:
- Eventually, the long distance WILL END! Nothing lasts forever, and everything has its ups and downs, so if you can just stick it out the day will come where you can finally say "we did it" and look back on it.
- You have more growing to do than you think. Whether you are young like me or not, when you first get into a relationship you have to grow into it. You have to figure out who you are with that person. I'm not saying you change who you are when you're in a couple, but there is shifting and learning and growing that needs to happen so that the two of you can efficiently communicate and get along. You go from being 100 percent on your own to a half of another person and that's hard to transition from. For me, I needed that extra space to figure out who "relationship" Bradi was rather than "on my own doin' me" Bradi.
- It's easier to back out and cause less damage. This sounds harsh, but it's true. When you spend less face to face time with someone, you have less memories to get over if it doesn't work out. Rather than having to give all their stuff back to them in a box, you just delete some dick pics and text messages and move on with your independent af life. Viola!
- Time spent together is cherished. When you finally do get to see them after so long apart, that time is so valuable that you spend it doing really exciting things! It gives either of you time to plan and save for a big extravagant date or surprise. And nothing is ever boring. Trust me, there will be plenty of time for pizza and netflix in your underwear later down the line when you're finally together so take advantage of the time you get to spend together doing something awesome that will just create memories to look back on later when you're at home on a Friday watching How I Met Your Mother re-runs cause you don't get paid till Monday.
- You fight less. This goes hand in hand with cherishing your time together. Since you never see each other, it's very unlikely that you'll have a lot to fight about. Yes, long distance in itself can cause arguments; he doesn't call you back one night and then the next morning you find out he went to a honkey tonk with his guys or whatever. But really are you gonna stay mad at him because of something little when the next thing you know he's sending you flowers? Didn't think so. And that will lead me into...
- You both try harder. Believe it or not, but he's wondering what you're up to just as much as you are, and when there's a little bit of innocent mystery about you that he wants to know about, he's going to try and figure it out and vice versa. I knowwww girls have this horrid rep of texting too much or being too needy, but when you can both seperate yourselves from that stereotype, you will both try a little harder to get the others attention or "win them over." I got more flowers while we were doing long distance than I have while we've been living together.
- You get to know each other mentally rather than physically. This is a big one, especially at this point in society where more people are having more sex (which I think is a great thing, you go you sexy lil thangs). Yes, sex and intimacy are lovely things, but basing your feelings mostly from your physical attraction to someone can make you fall in lust with someone, not love. Trust me, we've all seen that romantic comedy where the sex is mind blowing but the couple can't f*cking stand each other every other hour of the day. In reality, sex is just a part of a relationship, not the whole thing, so you need to know whether or not this person is going to vibe with you and have things in common with them before you decide to move in together and end up ripping each others heads off.
I owe everything good in my relationship to the hardships of long distance and what it taught both Zach and me. It's hard to realize the benefits to your situation while you're in it, but when you look back later you'll be glad you did it, worked through it and came out on the other side. It's worth it.
So. F*cking. Worth it.
-B
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