I'm so in love, but I don't want a wedding

Love. Crazy. Emotional. Exciting. Hectic. Happy. WEDDINGS.

I love weddings, when I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding I cried like a baby; my sister-in-law is one of my most favorite people. But weddings are a weird subject for me. I looooove attending weddings. I love to get drunk, celebrate, eat good food and dance with people I love. But whenever I think about the possibility of my own wedding, I'm just really put off. I cannot imagine myself planning a f*cking wedding to begin with, and I am not about to pay someone upteenmillion dollars to plan it for me. The dress is too expensive, the invitations and decorations too tacky, and we can't forget all of the crazy family members trying to micromanage the whole process. Don't get me wrong weddings are wonderful, the bonding of two people's lives into one to live happily ever after in marriage is a beautiful thing to me. But that's all it should be about.

Here's the main reason I'm anti-my-own-wedding. I know you already hate me for dissing them so much in the paragraph above, but just chill I'm getting to it. ;) It's about the vows, which I think are the most important part of any wedding.
Like I mentioned, I do think marriage is so beautiful but when I think about my wedding I imagine it on a beach with my parents and my best friend standing across from me. We will write our own vows and whisper them to each other in secret. The dress is simple, the venue beautiful, and it's private and lovely. Then we'll all go party for three days straight on a tropical island to celebrate.


I just think that if I am going to say very deep emotional vows to my husband, especially ones that I wrote myself, I want only him and God to hear it. The ceremony is the most sacred part of a wedding and that needs to be an intimate moment that isn't in front of everyone we've ever known. Wedding ceremonies are all about those two people coming together as one, it should be all about those two people, it's something they should be selfish about. I've just always been the type of person not to talk about my emotions, I'm not good at saying how I feel. I mean, I barely get emotional in front of Zach, I can't imagine trying to say personal emotional things to him in front of my aunt's second cousin's kids in the third row. Of course you have a reception in town once you're back and let everyone be a part of the celebration, but why not capture it all through photos, have your own moment that is all about you and your marriage, and then invite everyone to party with you back home too?! Receptions and wedding ceremonies don't have to happen on the same day. It's like when people say it's their birthday week instead of just the one day. Just have a wedding week!

This is so important

So I found this on Pinterest. I absolutely love Pinterest, and if you have one, you should follow me cause I pin some cool shit ;)
But anyway I found this on Pinterest and it is so important. I know the image is pretty small so if you're unable to read it here is the link to find it: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/20899585746214023/

I cannot get over how much I love this list of wise words, because it's like being able to predict your future. Everyone's said at least once in their life so far: I wish I could go back and tell myself then what I know now, BUT HERE IT IS! Here is everything you need to know for the future!!! I'm going to let it speak for itself, and I know you were probably expecting a long, meaningful post after my weekend of absence, but I just think this is so amazing. And I've had sort of a weird day so far, which there will be a post about later I promise! For now, enjoy friends :)

How the TjMaxx dressing room taught me to love myself

Yesterday I went into town to do a little shopping before I went to visit home for the weekend. I hadn't washed my hair or put on makeup since I figured I would stay home and do chores all day in preparation of my trip. I threw my hair up, put on some moisturizer, put on a casual outfit and headed out, just to kill some time. I went to all my normal stops, American Eagle, Ulta, and then I ended up at TjMaxx. I personally love TjMaxx. I'm one of those people who wears a certain item of clothing for a limited amount of time before it is either worn out or I get tired of it, so all my life I've been a bargain shopper; why spend a lot of money on something if you're attention span with it is only so long?

Anyway, I picked out a couple things to try on and headed toward the dressing room, which we all know can be a scary place. Not only is there several other women in there trying things on, but dressing rooms are so poorly lit so most of the time you come out with a shirt that you thought was solid white with red stripes when in actuality it's pale yellow with orange stripes.. But to my surprise, when I walked into the dressing room stall I was faced with a vanity lit, full length mirror to look at myself in.
It looked a lot like this: very bright and revealing. I felt like I was standing in front of those huge lights they use for filming.

I found myself just standing there for a few minutes, studying my face and half-naked body. I have never seen myself full bodied in front of a mirror like this and I was surprised...I was pleasantly surprised. I've never been all that comfortable going out with my hair not done or zero makeup on, and I had also skipped the gym for a solid three days in a row so I was kinda lacking in the confidence department. But as I looked in the mirror, so exposed and real, I really liked what I saw. I
 looked so real. Like a woman.

 




*I know my granddad will read this so I'm not posting the half naked selfie..don't worry I'll paint a word picture.

I could see clearly my uneven skin tone all over my body that resulted from a skin condition that causes extremely dry skin patches that don't tan with the rest of my body. I could see clearly every mole on my belly and the way it pooched out a little because of my happy relationship and wholesome meals. I could see my shorts tan line and my short legs that have thickened from squats at the gym. I'm short, with a fairly short torso as well, so I don't look a whole lot like a runway model. My eyebrows weren't filled in, my lips naked and a bit chapped, not a drop of makeup on my skin, freckles littered my face. My dirty, naturally auburn hair was peeking through the bleach on top. I stood there and stared and admired it all. I could see every mole, flab, pooch, blemish and uneven skin patch on my body and I still felt more confident than I had all week..
I came out of the store feeling more confident than when I went in, and a lot of women know this a lot of times isn't the case. But I didn't feel discouraged at all, I felt empowered.

This is the direct result of positive body image marketing strategies. I'm sure you've heard of the bra and panty line Aerie? Aerie is the lingerie branch of American Eagle and their whole angle for marketing is not photoshopping their models in their advertisements while also choosing models that look like, I don't know, normal people(?). Meaning they use real, non-retouched women of all shapes and sizes to model their products, not just tall, long legged, thin women that have been digitally nipped and tucked to look even more unrealistic. When you want to order a size DD bra, you will actually see a woman that wears a DD modeling it. None of them are wearing too much makeup and their hair is natural.

Here is an example of one of Aerie's ads:

HOW GORGEOUS IS SHE?!

This ad positively affected me today. I am extremely critical of myself, as a lot of us are. But today I felt great trying clothes on, I thought, "wow I look like the girls in the Aerie ads." This marketing works, and if Aerie is trying to spread self-love and postitive body image, they are doing the right thing, because it's f*cking working. More women look like the girl above than a six foot stick-thin model, and that's totally okay. In this way, Aerie is appealing to a bigger demographic and eliminating the disappointment of getting the lingerie home and not looking exactly like the girl wearing it in the photo; which we as women have been conditioned through media to crave that body type so badly because it represents the perfect woman. Well guess what, you are already perfect it's just about time we all start realizing how perfect we are. Like I have said before, everyone is different and THAT IS OKAY. And everyone is beautiful, sexy, and 100% worth loving themselves. It really is tough to get to a point where you are happy with yourself in all aspects, thank you Aerie for helping me get to that point.

bloglovin.com is going to change my life.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin!!!

One of my new friends in the blogger community opened my eyes to bloglovin.com...let's just say this is what I will be doing for the rest of the day into the night and so on. It's like Pinterest for bloggers! So give me a follow :) and also if you're on Pinterest, follow me there as well, I just started a board for my blog!

When I Stopped Caring

This day in age, social media controls our lives. And if you were born after about 1990, social media controls your every move. Us millennials are constantly thinking about our snapchat stories, how many instagram likes we have, and what our friends are hashtagging on twitter; moments of complete silence and clarity are hard to come by without a cell phone interrupting the moment. We miss the best parts of the sunset because we were too busy choosing the best filter to put on it before posting.

Also I added some Pinterest inspiration for you :)


Think about what that shit does to you. I mean, I find myself sitting on the couch while Zach is trying to, oh I don't know, have a MEANINGFUL conversation with me but I'm too engrossed in clicking through someone's 100 second snap story from that party I wasn't invited to last night. Or I sit at the dinner table and miss romantic moments of us time because I'm posting a selfie..

This social media obsession does 2 awful things to us: we lose precious moments of our lives that we will never EVER get back, and we care so much about what others are doing and letting THEM know what WE are doing that we get this strange complex about posting EVERYTHING we're doing. And if we miss a perfectly gram-able picture, it literally ruins our day. We are self-obsessed, while also being completely engulfed in what other people are doing, making sure we are having a better time than them. "Oh gosh, Whitney just posted a photo of her at a 4th of July BBQ, I should probably post a snapchat story of us at Billy's party hammered so she knows we are having fun too, AND getting drunk..WOOOOO!" I honestly think that's how some people's minds operate..

Let me be the one to tell you, I made a personal SWEEPING DECLARATION (How I Met Your Mother reference there for the other nerds) not too long ago. I decided I would simply shut my brain off to those tendencies that have been conditioned into my mind since I got my first MySpace account. I just need to quit caring so damn much about what everyone else is doing because it's only making me feel even worse about my own life. "Oh shit, Kelley got a new job at a law office, I work as a barista..my life f*ckin sucks.." NO GIRLFRIEND, your life does NOT suck, you're just at a different point in your life, and THAT IS OKAY. No wonder people like Kim Kardashian are as famous as they are, her life is f*cking great. She blasts her life all over social media, and we 20-somethings EAT IT UP cause we want that life too. WE JUST WANT TO BE FABULOUS LIKE KIMMYYYYYYY. And we CAN be fabulous, we just have to do it in our own way because that's the ONLY way we will be happy with our lives, and comfortable in the skin we're in. NO WONDER WE HAVE BODY COMPLEXES, we just want to be like the sexy chicks on the Triangl bikinis instagram. Girls, it's about time we cut it out, and come to terms with what our own lives are before we try to replicate someone else's. And let's discover who we are as people, before we feel bad about who we are because stupid Whitney is getting hammed at Billy's party and we weren't invited. You cannot be anyone but yourself, and this obsession we have with other people's lives and seeing what everyone you went to high school with is up to at every given moment is not helping anyone discover their inner selves. Quitting with this crazy need to post everything at all seconds of the day has made me a happier person and has helped me on this road to discovering myself.

Alright crazy rant is over.

I'm just trying to make a point here. The constant communication we have with the world really is a great and powerful thing. We can check traffic and weather updates at the touch of a bottom and stay connected with a dear friend who moved away through a screen. That is pretty cool. But life is about balance, and overexposing yourself to one anything can start doing more bad than good. A lot of us wouldn't be where we are without social media and this digital age we are in, but keep a healthy balance. And it's alright if you'd rather stay in on a Friday night reading Fifty Shades of Gray instead of getting boozey at a club. And it's also totally cool if you spend your weekends partying cause you're a social butterfly. We are all different, living different lives and THAT IS OKAY.

A Night in Leavenworth

If you've ever been to Leavenworth, Washington, I don't even have to explain to you how absolutely magical it is. If you haven't been there, Leavenworth is a cute little Bavarian town over here in Eastern WA. It's got the cutest little town square where accordion players sing old time German themed songs and tourists browse various kinds of shops and sip on German beer. It gets comfortably hot in the summer and snowy in the winter and everything about Leavenworth is picturesque. When I found out Zach had a show at a sweet little place called King Ludwig's in Leavenworth I was so excited! Plus, he was going to be opening for country star James Otto. So yesterday we packed up our Ford truck and hit the highway towards paradise.

When we arrived, we were greeted with beer and good company. Not only was everyone who worked at the establishment the most kindhearted, generous people I've met in a while, Zach's manager had set up a pretty cool stage for him to preform on. I broke out our little Canon Rebel to get some shots of the show, since I am usually the one on photo duty during gigs.

Show days are a little weird for me. Zach is my boyfriend, and to me he will always just be a man I'm in love with. On a normal day, we are goofy and chill and lovin' all over each other. But on show days, we are different people. Zach's got a lot of pressure on him. Not only does he need to put on a good show but he also has to make sure he's got what he needs, listen and learn from his manager, and talk to fans after the show. There are a lot of eyes on him and a lot of thoughts zooming through his mind all at once. So when show days arrive, I've learned to sit back and take cues from him as to what he needs my help with. Usually, I'm simply a shoulder to lean on, a sense of support on the most extreme level. I'm his love, that's how he'll always see me and that's exactly what he needs me to be for him in the middle of the chaos that is a gig. I'm a constant. And then if I can carry a suitcase or snap some photos in the meantime, that helps too.

After the show was over and the guests cleared out, I was glad that Zach had the chance to sit and chat with James Otto for a while. Not only did he give some good advice, we also got to snack on some amazing German food from King Ludwig's that was out of this world (expect a lot of food talk in my blog, I've been eatin' like my 6 foot 3 boyfriend for two solid years now..and I love food). James is a great guy, and the he gave Zach some of the best advice I've heard: to make friends that do what you do, keep those friends close, learn from them and work with them and you'll never be unsuccessful.

I'm so glad we went to Leavenworth for a gig because we did meet a few purely good people that if we went back again, would do anything for us. We had a great time and Zach totally killed it. I really didn't want to leave beautiful Leavenworth this morning, but Zach has another gig today, so we took the highway home to our next adventure.

-B

Why long distance relationships are the best relationships

The first two years of my relationship with Zach Hinson was long distance. We initially came in contact on Twitter and began texting back and forth. I was in the middle of a giant party phase following my high school graduation, none of my crappy boyfriends so far looked like they would lead to marrying my high school sweetheart, so everything was light and fun between him and I in our text messages. I didn't want a summer fling, and if I couldn't find a man who took care of me like I deserved to be taken care of, I didn't want a boyfriend at all. We were both planning on going to a weekend long country music festival called Watershed in Eastern WA at a place called The Gorge Amphitheater (most beautiful venue I've been to so far in my life too by the way, totally blew me away) so we decided we should meet up and hang out in person.

So August rolled around and I ended up hitching a ride to Watershed with a few friends, and when Zach finally arrived at the campground, I ditched them to go find him. When I saw that boy walking toward me among all the drunk festival-goers, I knew he wasn't going to be a temporary person in my life. I've never felt like that before, nor have I again, so this is special. We had a blast of a weekend and when it came time to part ways and go back to our sides of the state, we agreed not to be anything more than friends which was a reality both of us had to come to terms with, since we lived on opposite sides of Washington from each other.

The texting continued all the way until October when, believe it or not we were planning on going to ANOTHER music festival in Seattle at the same time. Of course, it's always a good time when we are together, so when this trip wound down to an end we decided to send it off with a ride on the Seattle ferris wheel that sits right by the water next to the ferry boat that we would soon become every familiar with. Not only did that boy kiss me like he meant it on top of that ferris wheel, he also gave me what I didn't know I even wanted, he told me he was in love with me. We left each other that day in silent agreement that we couldn't go the rest of our lives without each other, even if it meant getting to know each other through text message, phone calls and occasional facetime conversations.

Eventually our long distance ended, and we are together and so solid today BECAUSE of that distance. And that leads me to my first point:

• Eventually, the long distance WILL END!  Nothing lasts forever, and everything has its ups and downs, so if you can just stick it out the day will come where you can finally say "we did it" and look back on it. 

•  You have more growing to do than you think. Whether you are young like me or not, when you first get into a relationship you have to grow into it. You have to figure out who you are with that person. I'm not saying you change who you are when you're in a couple, but there is shifting and learning and growing that needs to happen so that the two of you can efficiently communicate and get along. You go from being 100 percent on your own to a half of another person and that's hard to transition from. For me, I needed that extra space to figure out who "relationship" Bradi was rather than "on my own doin' me" Bradi.

•  It's easier to back out and cause less damage. This sounds harsh, but it's true. When you spend less face to face time with someone, you have less memories to get over if it doesn't work out. Rather than having to give all their stuff back to them in a box, you just delete some dick pics and text messages and move on with your independent af life. Viola!  

• Time spent together is cherished. When you finally do get to see them after so long apart, that time is so valuable that you spend it doing really exciting things! It gives either of you time to plan and save for a big extravagant date or surprise. And nothing is ever boring. Trust me, there will be plenty of time for pizza and netflix in your underwear later down the line when you're finally together so take advantage of the time you get to spend together doing something awesome that will just create memories to look back on later when you're at home on a Friday watching How I Met Your Mother re-runs cause you don't get paid till Monday. 

• You fight less. This goes hand in hand with cherishing your time together. Since you never see each other, it's very unlikely that you'll have a lot to fight about. Yes, long distance in itself can cause arguments; he doesn't call you back one night and then the next morning you find out he went to a honkey tonk with his guys or whatever. But really are you gonna stay mad at him because of something little when the next thing you know he's sending you flowers? Didn't think so. And that will lead me into...
   
• You both try harder. Believe it or not, but he's wondering what you're up to just as much as you are, and when there's a little bit of innocent mystery about you that he wants to know about, he's going to try and figure it out and vice versa. I knowwww girls have this horrid rep of texting too much or being too needy, but when you can both seperate yourselves from that stereotype, you will both try a little harder to get the others attention or "win them over." I got more flowers while we were doing long distance than I have while we've been living together.

• You get to know each other mentally rather than physically. This is a big one, especially at this point in society where more people are having more sex (which I think is a great thing, you go you sexy lil thangs). Yes, sex and intimacy are lovely things, but basing your feelings mostly from your physical attraction to someone can make you fall in lust with someone, not love. Trust me, we've all seen that romantic comedy where the sex is mind blowing but the couple can't f*cking stand each other every other hour of the day. In reality, sex is just a part of a relationship, not the whole thing, so you need to know whether or not this person is going to vibe with you and have things in common with them before you decide to move in together and end up ripping each others heads off.

No relationship is perfect, and after the short honeymoon period with your new significant other is over, you'll find that out. Long distance is almost like dipping your foot in before you do a cannonball into the pool.  It's always better to slow down and critically think about the relationship you're about to get in to first, rather than look back and regret not realizing that he hates One Direction when you just got done following them on tour.
I owe everything good in my relationship to the hardships of long distance and what it taught both Zach and me. It's hard to realize the benefits to your situation while you're in it, but when you look back later you'll be glad you did it, worked through it and came out on the other side. It's worth it.

So. F*cking. Worth it.

-B

My First Blog Post About Writing My First Blog

So here I am, sitting in my living room writing my very first blog post..ever. That's a lot of pressure. What's my tone gonna be like? What am I gonna write about? What can YOU as a reader expect from this random woman on the internet..? Let me just organize my thoughts for you. Or try at least.
First, I would like to get straight that I usually don't think a whole lot before I speak, and how I write is very similar to the way I talk, so don't expect a filter..sorry mom.
I got this whole blog idea from my sister-in-law, who is someone I would say I'm closest with in my life. She thought I could share my life as a up-and-coming-musician's-girlfriend, which I personally don't think is too exciting but hey, you're your own worst critic..(?) (Does that saying even work here..?) Honestly I have NO idea what I'm doing when it comes to think cyberspace world of blogs (blogoshpere?), so get ready for a fun, unpredictable roller coaster ride that may become my blog..ha.

In all seriousness, I do hope you enjoy my site. As a 20something woman this day in age trying to find her way, while also trying to help the love of her life find his way, I have a lot of thoughts throughout my day. I would love to share my thoughts with you, maybe somewhere in my brain is something that relates to something in your brain! This blog is just simply my mind, written down. And through my experiences in a 2 year long, long distance relationship, quitting college, moving away from home only to start then quit my first big girl job within a month, and navigating through the life of a girl watching her boyfriend live in the limelight from backstage, I've ended up with a lot of life experience in a VERY short amount of time, and it's been tough, and a little weird. I met this smokin' hot cowboy at a music festival 8 hours from home, fell in love and moved across the state to be with him two years later. I got a job managing a bar and grill at the age of 20 and stood back and watched as that burned down into oblivion. Now here I am unemployed writing a blog (so cliche I know..ha) and somehow when I look over at that goofy face that I love so much, I feel like runnin' all over the country from gig to gig is exactly what I should be doing. HELL WHY NOT.

And there's something about my life and my relationship that is so beautiful to me, nothing ever stays the same, and if it does, you're doing something wrong. You never know what kind of surprises are waiting for you. I like that, I feel like my whole life up to this point has been expected, and stagnant. It makes me feel like my life isn't all planned out for me the moment I'm born, like I really do have a say in what my future holds, and I can always change it if I want. And when it all goes up in flames, I only have myself to blame. Nothing is mapped out for me. I have no idea if what I'm doing is right or wrong. But I'm starting to think living your life make right choice after right choice probably isn't a life that teaches you anything, or is even fun to any extent. I've learned nothing is right or wrong. And I'm not trying to sound like your tenth grade music teacher trying to get the class to participate by saying there is no right or wrong answer..I'm serious. The choices we make every day create what will soon become our future, which turns into our past before we know it. Sometimes making mistakes takes you to a place in your life that is better in the long run. Not all mistakes turn into regrets. And what you think may be the right thing at the start can become your biggest regret in the end. The best thing you can do, is trust your heart and follow it. My life right now is a 180 flip from what it was 6 months ago simply because I stopped following what my head said and started acting on what my heart was telling me. Yes, it is easier to do what everyone else is doing. To do things logically and safely and go to school, get a job, get married, have a family in the suburbs and wonder what it would be like to be doing something different. Or you could just DO something different. Make your whole life fun and do what you love. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks because it is your happiness. What you love may not be the same as what everyone around you loves, but that's what makes life interesting; and they'll be really taken aback when you flip em the bird after they try and tell you you're livin' your life wrong. Throw it all away and see what happens if you take a different path. It may be hard, but I've been happier since I did it. I'm constantly coming to roadblocks and having to survive through them, but I guess I kind of like the risk of it all.

I've always wished that there was a guide book to being the girlfriend of the country star, maybe it's about time I just write it myself.