My heavy heart's outlet.

I've always been the type of person to bottle it up when things in my life got hard to handle, trying to use humor to ease my mind and maybe the situation as well. But when I found out that my two beloved babies (dogs) got hit and killed over the weekend I felt more exposed than I ever had in my 21 years of life. This hit us just a few days after we had to put Zach and Matt's childhood pup Duke to sleep. Duke was an old, protective, sweet man who was such a huge part of the Hinson boys' childhood. And a few days after I found out about my own two dogs, my sweet boyfriend Zach's brother Matt died in his home and now we are dealing with that. A lot of sadness hit us in a very short time. 

While Zach was away on tour for the month of January, my dogs were all I had to keep me company, and sometimes Matt too, he always made sure to check on me and send kindness my way because he knew I was having a hard time with Zach being away. I built the most amazing bond with my dogs over that particular month and I got to know a side of Matt that I was thankful he showed me. My babies were our whole lives. They were our exercise when we needed it, running around together in the fields at Ahtanum park. They were my support when I felt so lonely. They were our personal lick-you-in-the-face alarm clocks. They were, aside from each other, our best friends and truest companions in life. Our little amazing family. They brought so much joy into our lives and we can very much feel their absence in our home. It feels like my little family was ripped down the middle and in the blink of an eye I lost all of that. Zach and I are both going through a lot right now, more than we've ever had to deal with as a couple. We've held each other as we cried out our agony of a loss that cut us so deep. And we are slowly lifting each other up. I want to say thank you for all the love and support anyone has sent our way, it really does help. Right now we don't understand why such horrible things are happening to us, but we are sure that eventually God will reveal what kind of lesson he is trying to teach us. I've never felt this kind of pain and I've never experienced a tragedy like this but Zach, his family and I are growing stronger every day and I'm so proud of their strength. New life will come and happiness will be found as long as we have each other. No one wants to get the call that I got twice in the same week, but Zach and I have found a new power in our relationship that we didn't have before and I'm grateful for that. Mostly I'm grateful for him and the love, compassion, and never ending kindness that he has given to me all the time I've known him. Through seeing each other at our absolute rock bottom it has opened our eyes to our great potential in the future. We are healing, and we will make it. Our babies will be missed and our beloved brother will be in our hearts forever, but it's our job to pick ourselves up and be there for the ones we love because they are hurting too. Thank you for taking the time to read what I've been trying to put together for a while now. I'm slowly learning that showing your weaknesses can help you more than bottling up your sadness and anger. I'm thankful for the people in my life supporting me that have taught me to accept the shoulder they've been offering me to cry on. Thank you so much for being there for us. 

In loving memory of Ellie, Angus, Duke and Matthew Hinson. We love you so much. May you rest in paradise. 

Matt, Ellie, Angus and Duke together here and in heaven

Friends in your 20's

Friends. I feel like the word friend means something different at every stage in your life. When you're small, a friend is someone you meet at daycare and play with. Any playmate becomes your best friend. As you grow, you learn that the friends you make are a choice. You don't have to be friends with everyone in your classroom, you can decide who you like and stick with them. In high school, we all seem to gravitate toward each other forming cliques. In your 20's it feels like no one is your friend. 

When I was in high school I had the most amazing friends. We hung out every day, partied together every night and our whole lives revolved around each other. When I graduated and started my "own life" things started to change. I found myself with less friends, and the friends I used to be so close with stopped inviting me places. It boiled down to a few friends I had community college classes with that I spent my time with. As a nineteen year old barista in my home town going to college, my co-workers became my best friends. Being friends with the people you work with is a very long list of pros and cons. They're a blast to work with, it doesn't feel like work it feels like 6 hours of girl talk. But when an issue comes up, it is a downward spiral of the "who wants to make confrontation first" game. I learned a lot from working with my best friends. Knowing so much about others and their individual experiences can give you a lot of perspective. I grew a thick skin while also letting my guard down and becoming more sensitive to how my actions affect the people around me. I will always love my Bada Bean girls. Always.

When I turned 20 I moved out of my hometown and quit my job at Bada. I came to a new city knowing a collective amount of around 7 people. I learned very quickly that it is hard to make friends in a place you haven't grown up in for 20 years. I have met a lot of people since I came here, but I don't spend all of my time with them whenever I get the chance. And I don't talk drama to them about other people. I ask them how they are, our conversations are short and pleasant over coffee or lunch. My definition of friends has shifted yet again. I used to feel a little melancholy about not having a best friend to drive around with me and vent to about this or that or get drunk on a Tuesday with, because that's what I did in high school. That's what I know friends are. I found a massive amount of peace when I came to terms with the fact that those kinds of friends friends are fair weather and they won't stick around. And I do have that best friend I long for in Zach. We vent and get drunk together all the time but it's mostly while we're sitting in our living room with our dogs. My real people are there, my Bada girls are always there even if I don't know it. That person that texts you every once and a while to see how you're doing is the real MVP, because even though they aren't there in your day to day, they are thinking about you and took an effort to tell you about it. 

I'm only 10 months into my 20's, and adulting is hard. The people that used to pretend they cared have let you go entirely and the homesickness is just too real. But I've found that once I can let go and embrace the change that is constantly occurring in my life, I will be much happier. Evaluating and adapting to your situation is what will keep you afloat in life. But so will a kick ass core group of friends and a quick phone call every once and a while. 

My mom is my best friend

Moms are pretty cool. None of us give our moms enough credit, because moms deserve more credit than anyone could ever give. Moms are amazing. There is no better friend than your own mom. 

"Do you need me to call him and talk to him for you?" My mom would say after that darn high school boyfriend cheated on me for the second time. "Should I get ahlold of his mom and let her know what kind of parties this kid is going to?" 

My mom is my absolute best friend. I'm so glad it turned out that way too, cause there are some rough years in every woman's life where she is a preteen and hates her mother. When I was in high school, I went to my mom for everything. She knew everything about my life, where the parties happened, who was dating who, what was going on at school. I never had to sneak out of my bedroom as a kid because all I had to do was tell my mom where I was going and whether or not I was coming home that night or the next morning so she could leave the door unlocked for me. We trust each other. We've seen each other at our best and worst. When my dad had a heart attack I saw my mom crumble in front of me, and I've never seen myself more strong and focused than that week my family spent at the hospital with my Dad. I held my mom together just like she had for me so many times before that, she literally has seen me ugly cry more times than I'm proud of.

I didn't really have a best friend in school growing up. I had certain friends I would spend a lot of time with and I got along with a lot of people, but I always seemed to be the third in every set of friends. It was the two that were closest and me. I think that is one of the reasons why I grew up always kinda feeling out of place, a little uncomfortable and awkward. I got used to spending the afternoon at a friends house then coming home before dinner to hang out with my mom. 

My mom is the best at walking the fine line between being my mom and being my friend. She's my friend when I need to gossip about the latest Twitter beef and she's my mom when I need to cry on a shoulder and get a firm pep talk. At the end of the day she's the only person who knows me better than anyone else every will. We have an unbreakable bond. 

I'm so thankful for my relationship with my mom, and I hope she reads this and cries ;) and I think the key to our strong friendship is our communication. Sometimes the communication between mother and daughter can be the muddiest. When I was growing up, whenever my mother and I would go at it in some crazy screaming match, once we cooled off we would always go back and calmly try to explain why we were frustrated and what we can do next time were upset to avoid a meltdown. We tried to make it all as clear as possible, no mud.  It didn't help overnight, but after a while we both learned a lot about ourselves and how we are as emotional people. Over time we were able to civilly identify each other's flaws and correct them. 

The point of my embarrassing rambling? Love your mom. If you think she doesn't understand you, explain it to her. If you think she is disappointed in you, make it up to her. Hug your mom, cause you are her world and she should be yours too. Be friends with your mom. No one will know you better than her and please don't run away from that, embrace it! I know so much about my personality and my own soul because of the unique relationship I have with my mother. She helped me find myself. So yeah I'm an awkward little blonde girl and my best friend is my mom, so what! Love you mom :)

Nature's best kept secrets

Hello and happy holidays! Winter is coming very quickly and I wanted to share with you some of my favorite things in the whole world to help beat the cold weather blues. 

I love using all natural products in my every day life. Too many of the things we put in our bodies and on our skin has so many damaging chemicals in it that I try to solve all of my health and beauty problems with all natural products. My number one favorite things in all of God's green earth is COCONUT OIL. Pure coconut oil can replace so many products in your bathroom. I personally use it in the shower as a moisturizer. My skin is so crazy soft afterwards. It can also be used as an all natural makeup remover or hair treatment. 

Another product I absolutely love is Frank coffee scrub with coconut oil. It expholiates your skin without being harsh and leaves your skin feeling so baby soft. I have really sensitive skin so I like to expholiate it at least 3 days a week to keep it healthy and soft. 

The second thing I want to mention is wonderful, amazing peppermint oil. I suffer from chronic migraine headaches, and I haven't found a better remedy or treatment than rubbing pure peppermint oil on my temples and behind my ears and taking a long nap. I'm so thankful for peppermint oil. I also use it as a pain reliever for cramps and muscle aches. It's basically like icy-hot but even better. 

We all know the holidays mean stuffing our faces with food of all sorts. The post thanksgiving food baby is so real. Whenever I'm feeling a little bloated I always brew a cup of peppermint tea (peppermint is seriously the best). Drank hot or over ice tastes amazing and works wonders on your waistline. 

These products have saved my life and I love that I can use pure, natrual things to solve so many things in my life! I had to share them with you, because I feel like I'm always telling people about the amazing benefits of them, especially during the winter months! 

Loving our bodies-what it means in our relationships

I know I know, another post about "learning to love our bodies" blah blah....but that second part, "and what it means in our relationships." Ahh, there it is. I'm sure you've read plenty of blogs and articles on everyone's view on body positivity and how to get comfortable with how God made you. I'm not going to try and convince you that you are perfect and amazing, because you should already know that, instead I want to just give you some perspective from your boyfriend's point of view.  At the end of the day your boyfriend is the only person that sees you naked almost as much as you do yourself, so he has thoughts and opinions on how it looks too.

I want to start with some of my experiences. About a year ago I got very into working out, dieting and constantly obsessing over my before pictures and picking out what wasn't perfect about me yet. I worked so hard all summer to try and get an Instagram goals body. I drug myself to the gym every night and counted every calorie I ate. When I started getting results obviously I was always happy to tell my boyfriend that I had lost another pound or rave about what great my abs looks today. As the time went by and the winter season approached, I started to gain some fluff in a few areas of my body from all that holiday eating. I kept working out, but mostly just walked on the treadmill watching New Girl. I felt kinda crappy about losing my amazing body I had in the summer. Then out of no where, Zach can't freaking keep his hands off me! He started giving me so many compliments and commenting on how good my butt looks. I finally told him that I had been feeling really crappy about adding some holiday fluff to me and I didn't understand why he was complimenting me so much more than he was when I was so into losing weight. Turns out that version of me wasn't his favorite, he knew that when I was dieting like crazy I wasn't the happiness version of myself. I never ate onion rings. And I, freaking, LOVE, onion rings. When he wanted to have a fat burger I always got salad. When he's lovin' on me there wasn't as much to grab. At family gatherings rather than eat and be merry I sat and crunched on a carrot. I turned down a date to go to the gym. It took over my entire life. Granted, I was being healthy and active, but I was so obsessed. 

When I stopped feeling guilty for going out for a drink and appetizers with my boyfriend on a Friday night I became a lot happier. When I stopped going to the gym at 11pm to fit it in and just going to sleep instead I was sure a lot more energized at work the next day. Life is all about give and take, yin and yang, the push and the pull. When you go too extreme on one thing, other parts of your life begin to suffer. 

When I did finally start to listen to the comments Zach was saying and believing them I became happier than I think I've ever been. I'm still healthy, I'm still active, but it's a good balance. The people in your life are always going to love you, you just have to learn to love you. I learned that obsessing about what I looked like was not the right way to try to accomplish good health, and it didn't make me love myself it made me very critical of myself. We are all so hard on ourselves to the point where we stop rooting for ourselves and constantly pick apart what we want to change. 

I liked the perspective I gained from trying to understand how Zach thought of my body and mind. He loves me because I am me, and it is important to be healthy, but do it the right way. Everyone is different, and you need to make sure you are ways your happiest self. When I work out I feel good, when I diet and obsess over myself, I'm stressed out. Zach helped me learn the difference. He makes me so happy. 

The 5 Love Languages

It's important to understand your partner and how to communicate efficiently with them. I think that one of the most overlooked aspects in every relationship is they way each partner needs to be loved; in other words, his or her love language. Everyone is different, and therefore we don't all love the same way. 

www.5lovelanguages.com has been a huge resource in my life and my relationship. I've learned so much about how people need to be loved based on what is most important to them. Every person has an emotional communication preference. You either like to receive love in the form of words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch.  By simply asking yourself a series of questions on this site, you can get a analysis of which love language you speak. And by having your partner take the same quiz, you can discover which they prefer, and how to speak their love language back to them.

First, I'm going to lay out each love language and explain them using my own words:

-Words of Affirmation: people that prefer this love language need verbal assurance and lots of verbal communication. Just hearing the words "I love you" mean the world and the best way to encourage these people is by compliments and reasons behind your love for them. Kind words are not easily forgotten and harsh words can crush them.

-Acts of Service: for these people, actions speak louder than words. The best way to tell this person you love them is to do something for them. Simply washing the dishes or doing something to take a burden off of them will speak volumes. Laziness is a huge annoyance to these people. Want to make this person's day? Say the words: "let me do that for you."

-Receiving Gifts: this one is hard for a lot of people to understand, but is still just as important as the others. This person really values the thoughtfulness and effort behind a gift. They like to know they are appreciated and cared for by surprises and gifts. Missing a birthday or important event in this person's life is the most hurtful thing you can do. Receiving a gift is a visual representation of how much they are loved.

-Quality Time: this day in age especially, these people feel the most loved when you put your phone down, turn off the TV, and give them 100 percent of your attention. Showing you care by putting all other cares aside to be with them is what's best for them. Distractions and failure to listen are the most hurtful to these people. Sharing quality time sharing thoughts and doing activities make them feel best.

-Physical Touch: this love language isn't all about a sexual aspect. These people feel most loved when they can hold hands, are given thoughtful touches on their arms, shoulder or face. They love best when they feel secure. Expressing your love through hugging and a physical presence is best and being away for long periods of time or abuse can drain them.

So..now let me explain a little more :)

Once you and your partner learn what your love language is, you can then start speaking it to each other. For example, my love language is words of affirmation and Zach's is acts of service. So the best way for me to make him feel like I love him is cleaning the house while he is out at a meeting. I can play off of the way he prefers to be loved and it just amplifies his feelings of being loved. In turn, the best way for him to make me feel loved is to give me an honest, genuine compliment when I come out of the shower in the morning. It makes me feel the most loved from his verbal compliment. This gives you a way to learn each other's strengths and amplify them and play off of them to make each other the happiest.

Everyone is so different, and it is okay if you and your partner speak a different love language. The beautiful thing about this whole theory is that you get to learn how to get the most from your relationship and see your partner flourish from the things that you do for them and the way you show your love to them. If I tried to speak my own love language to Zach and compliment him all the time, he would appreciate it sure..but it wouldn't trigger as something I'm doing to make him feel loved, simply because that isn't his preference. So knowing what to do to speak their love language can be a huge tool to achieve a harmonious and love-filled relationship.

If you have an interest in learning more about this topic, please visit 5lovelanguages.com and take the evaluation. There is also lots of resources to help you in your relationship.
Thanks so much for reading!! xo

Real Talk: don't compare your happiness

Being the one behind the scenes of a musician's life as a significant other is one of the most weird, confusing and tough situations to be in. Living paycheck to paycheck while also trying to jump start a music career is hard. And watching all of our friends get married, buying houses, and having babies doesn't quite help either. We are doing everything different than everyone else it seems. It can be discouraging, working so hard trying to climb the ladder and only getting so far. Truth is musicians have to pay their dues for a long time before you hear them on the radio top 40 countdown.

Having a relationship with a musician is different, even on a small scale. You have to be so hopeful for the future, but also be constantly living in the moment. You have to be supportive, but not pushy. Show them you care while also giving them space. The biggest thing is to simply be understanding and supportive. Money is always tight, stress is usually always on full blast but being open and communicative will help you and your person stay grounded. The one most important thing though, in this situation AND in any other situation is not to compare anything you are doing to something another couple is doing.

I mentioned this in a previous post but I need to point out that the second you start caring what other people are doing, you start criticizing and comparing your life to those of others. Well here's some news for you, YOU are NOT everyone ELSE. You are you and you are GREAT. When it comes to relationships, if you are happy and in love that is all that matters. It doesn't matter if you are living in a tiny apartment surviving paycheck to paycheck, or you "did it backwards" and got pregnant then got married, or you bought a house in your home town rather than moving away to college. Your happiness is YOUR happiness and the most toxic thing that you can do is bring out your insecurities by comparing your life to your neighbor's.

At the end of the day, you have someone that loves you. And at the end of the day, that person is the path you chose. Yes, it gets tough and we all have our hard times. But the thing NOT to do when it gets hard is to get on instagram and stalk that #goals couple you follow then feel crappy about yourself. We aren't all at the same stages in our lives. Even though that girl from your graduating class just got married with a baby on the way, does not mean you have to be doing that as well..and vice versa. It is FUN that we are all different and it's amazing that we all have someone out there that is meant for us. Just because you haven't found that person yet and your best friend did doesn't mean it will be that way forever..because we are all at different stages in our lives and guess what else, God has a wonderful plan for you :)

It sucks that Zach and I are broke and at a hard stage in our lives and in his career. But it just means we have the opportunity to be each other's anchors, and lift each other up out of our stress cluttered minds. We always try and look on the bright side of things. Whenever we have an argument or a tough talk about our stresses, we always sit down at the end and talk about why we are so great and how we can improve. We can't let our situation own us, we have to own our situation and push even harder forward. There is absolutely no reason to compare or be upset because we haven't gotten to where we want to be yet. I'm just gonna enjoy the ride and be patient {on my highway home}.

Thanks for letting me ramble..xo