Friends in your 20's

Friends. I feel like the word friend means something different at every stage in your life. When you're small, a friend is someone you meet at daycare and play with. Any playmate becomes your best friend. As you grow, you learn that the friends you make are a choice. You don't have to be friends with everyone in your classroom, you can decide who you like and stick with them. In high school, we all seem to gravitate toward each other forming cliques. In your 20's it feels like no one is your friend. 

When I was in high school I had the most amazing friends. We hung out every day, partied together every night and our whole lives revolved around each other. When I graduated and started my "own life" things started to change. I found myself with less friends, and the friends I used to be so close with stopped inviting me places. It boiled down to a few friends I had community college classes with that I spent my time with. As a nineteen year old barista in my home town going to college, my co-workers became my best friends. Being friends with the people you work with is a very long list of pros and cons. They're a blast to work with, it doesn't feel like work it feels like 6 hours of girl talk. But when an issue comes up, it is a downward spiral of the "who wants to make confrontation first" game. I learned a lot from working with my best friends. Knowing so much about others and their individual experiences can give you a lot of perspective. I grew a thick skin while also letting my guard down and becoming more sensitive to how my actions affect the people around me. I will always love my Bada Bean girls. Always.

When I turned 20 I moved out of my hometown and quit my job at Bada. I came to a new city knowing a collective amount of around 7 people. I learned very quickly that it is hard to make friends in a place you haven't grown up in for 20 years. I have met a lot of people since I came here, but I don't spend all of my time with them whenever I get the chance. And I don't talk drama to them about other people. I ask them how they are, our conversations are short and pleasant over coffee or lunch. My definition of friends has shifted yet again. I used to feel a little melancholy about not having a best friend to drive around with me and vent to about this or that or get drunk on a Tuesday with, because that's what I did in high school. That's what I know friends are. I found a massive amount of peace when I came to terms with the fact that those kinds of friends friends are fair weather and they won't stick around. And I do have that best friend I long for in Zach. We vent and get drunk together all the time but it's mostly while we're sitting in our living room with our dogs. My real people are there, my Bada girls are always there even if I don't know it. That person that texts you every once and a while to see how you're doing is the real MVP, because even though they aren't there in your day to day, they are thinking about you and took an effort to tell you about it. 

I'm only 10 months into my 20's, and adulting is hard. The people that used to pretend they cared have let you go entirely and the homesickness is just too real. But I've found that once I can let go and embrace the change that is constantly occurring in my life, I will be much happier. Evaluating and adapting to your situation is what will keep you afloat in life. But so will a kick ass core group of friends and a quick phone call every once and a while.