www.5lovelanguages.com has been a huge resource in my life and my relationship. I've learned so much about how people need to be loved based on what is most important to them. Every person has an emotional communication preference. You either like to receive love in the form of words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch. By simply asking yourself a series of questions on this site, you can get a analysis of which love language you speak. And by having your partner take the same quiz, you can discover which they prefer, and how to speak their love language back to them.
First, I'm going to lay out each love language and explain them using my own words:
-Words of Affirmation: people that prefer this love language need verbal assurance and lots of verbal communication. Just hearing the words "I love you" mean the world and the best way to encourage these people is by compliments and reasons behind your love for them. Kind words are not easily forgotten and harsh words can crush them.
-Acts of Service: for these people, actions speak louder than words. The best way to tell this person you love them is to do something for them. Simply washing the dishes or doing something to take a burden off of them will speak volumes. Laziness is a huge annoyance to these people. Want to make this person's day? Say the words: "let me do that for you."
-Receiving Gifts: this one is hard for a lot of people to understand, but is still just as important as the others. This person really values the thoughtfulness and effort behind a gift. They like to know they are appreciated and cared for by surprises and gifts. Missing a birthday or important event in this person's life is the most hurtful thing you can do. Receiving a gift is a visual representation of how much they are loved.
-Quality Time: this day in age especially, these people feel the most loved when you put your phone down, turn off the TV, and give them 100 percent of your attention. Showing you care by putting all other cares aside to be with them is what's best for them. Distractions and failure to listen are the most hurtful to these people. Sharing quality time sharing thoughts and doing activities make them feel best.
-Physical Touch: this love language isn't all about a sexual aspect. These people feel most loved when they can hold hands, are given thoughtful touches on their arms, shoulder or face. They love best when they feel secure. Expressing your love through hugging and a physical presence is best and being away for long periods of time or abuse can drain them.
So..now let me explain a little more :)
Once you and your partner learn what your love language is, you can then start speaking it to each other. For example, my love language is words of affirmation and Zach's is acts of service. So the best way for me to make him feel like I love him is cleaning the house while he is out at a meeting. I can play off of the way he prefers to be loved and it just amplifies his feelings of being loved. In turn, the best way for him to make me feel loved is to give me an honest, genuine compliment when I come out of the shower in the morning. It makes me feel the most loved from his verbal compliment. This gives you a way to learn each other's strengths and amplify them and play off of them to make each other the happiest.
Everyone is so different, and it is okay if you and your partner speak a different love language. The beautiful thing about this whole theory is that you get to learn how to get the most from your relationship and see your partner flourish from the things that you do for them and the way you show your love to them. If I tried to speak my own love language to Zach and compliment him all the time, he would appreciate it sure..but it wouldn't trigger as something I'm doing to make him feel loved, simply because that isn't his preference. So knowing what to do to speak their love language can be a huge tool to achieve a harmonious and love-filled relationship.
If you have an interest in learning more about this topic, please visit 5lovelanguages.com and take the evaluation. There is also lots of resources to help you in your relationship.
Thanks so much for reading!! xo
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